There is an epidemic of passivity among good men today that is robbing you of great sex and more fulfilling lives. Being passive can seem like the safest approach when tensions run high and when the way ahead is not clear. Not taking a stand can seem the best way to keep the peace; but it does not work. When you are not proactive in sorting out issues, and do not engage well with your partner over problems, or if you allow yourselves to be dictated to, you don’t feel sexy and are not seen by your partner as sexy. Those who do not stand up for what they want are not pulling their weight in that relationship. If you fail to address well the issues which cause your partner’s unhappiness then you are, sadly, triggering frustration that leads to not getting what you want.

This tendency of men to be passive in their intimate relationships appears to have grown since the sixties and the feminist revolution. You know it’s not acceptable to be authoritarian, to be physically abusive, to throw your weight around in relationships, or to let your anger get out of control. So, how to be a sexy man in the face of feisty, confident, competent, articulate women, who are not backward in coming forward with their unhappiness in relationships?

Women are now much more able to confidently leave unsatisfactory relationships. This can feel like a sword hanging over the head of a man with an unhappy partner. Is it possible to be a feminist as a man and still get great sex? Do you need to sacrifice your testosterone on the altar of equality and give up on a fulfilling sex life?

This is an exciting subject. There is so much more scope for happiness in relationships today with a bit of clarity, some fine tuning and a good dollop of honesty. I’m writing this book for men but know that women are more likely to read it. Why is this? Because women love sex too. Women want sexy partners but they are often put off and frustrated by the ones they have, as much as they love them.

Women are also generally more comfortable with the language around relationships and emotions and so are more secure in exploring these things. Women need to address their part in relationship issues too, particularly the ball chopping and distancing. This book seeks to help you confront these issues with your partner effectively and well.

Many gay and lesbian couples will relate to the problems outlined, passivity is universal. So why have I focussed on the men and why heterosexual relationships? Because I believe that this is where this situation is most common and where there is the least effective help. Resolving these issues takes bravery, and honesty is helpful. Tackling the real reasons behind lack of sex in a relationship can be confronting but very liberating, it can be empowering and enriching.

The benefits may well flow on to all your relationships, from that with your partner to children, the wider family, friendships and to work place relationships. I have tried to make this book easy to navigate and to read. I am hoping that you can find your particular sticking point easily, but encourage you to read it all, as you may be surprised at the bits you find relevant.